Driving Sucks BALLS!!!

This may be a biased point, but I believe that the DMV is hell on earth. The place is about as welcoming as a hospital and is freezing, a tactic that I believe is to unnerve people. I went to the DMV in Greensburg, PA on Friday and was terrified. It was filled with hillbillies and faux gangstas', who in reality were just poor white people from Jeannette. So, I waited forever and then was called up and got ready to be tested. My mother wasn't making it any better for me because she was overreacting and I just wanted to kick her out of the place so I could be alone and not as nervous. Then the lady came to give me the test and she was a BITCH!!! She was totally butch, which I don't have a problem with because maybe she wants a penis and that's her business, and very cold because she was running behind but things started out ok. Then she accused me of running a stop sign, something I haven't done in three years of driving, and let me parallel park before failing me. What was the POINT!!!!Because she was in a bad mood and needed to catch up, she failed me. I did not run the stop sign! She ruined my day and apparently my face and neck were very red. I had to keep my mouth shut and walk away because I was ready to beat up a ho. I have never beaten up a ho, but I was prepared to do it that day. I never fail at anything and it ruined me. I got sweet sunglasses and free samples at Sam's Club after, but nothing cheered me up. My mother scheduled an appointment Saturday in Butler and it was so much better. Much nicer people, much nicer DMV, only made one tiny mistake, passed. The only fail on my part, ugly license picture. So I'm now a licensed driver, but I'm still mad about the failure. I would've dominated on that test. I've driven through Pittsburgh on its crappy roads and did well. I've driven through construction zones and did well. A stop sign does not deter me. Hos deter me. I am a strong believer that if you're not happy with your job just quit it. It's not worth being unhappy. I know that it might be hard to find a new job with the economy being supposedly in ruins, but if it makes you that big of a bitch then you need a new profession. The lady in Butler, 1000% times nicer and it's not just because she passed me. I know I'm a good driver and she knew it too. I didn't even need to show her my boobies, which was my fallback plan. So, the moral of the story is that if you take your test in Greensburg and see the blonde haired brick house of a woman, brake check her and kick out of the car and scream "Dude looks like a lady" while pulling away. I'm sure that she has a penis, or at least a serious case of penis envy. Either way, she's a bitch. A big, fat bitch. With a penis.

Kirk Cameron Says I'm Going to Hell

Kirk Cameron told me a little while ago and it frightened me. I believe it was two years ago and it freaked me out. I had watched Mike Seaver growing up and always thought he was pimp, until he told me I was going to hell. Today I decided to see if I was still going to hell, and surprise...I'm still going to hell! wayofthemaster.com told me that I was going to hell and that's creepy. This dude is a celebrity and he's using his celebri-skills to lead me into terror. Know who doesn't do these terrible things to people...Jessica Biel. Thus, she is the greatest celebrity alive. This has been a useless post, but I am bored and have nothing else to do with my day.

Cameron Diaz is Evil...

and must be stopped. Now, nothing she has done lately has bothered me, but it's something that can be said any time and be considered true. I'm saying this now because yesterday was Jessica Biel's birthday and I celebrated it like I do every year. It ranks up there in my list of holidays just below my b-day and slightly above Thanksgiving. Whenever Barack Obama day becomes a holiday it might slip down a few spots b/c he is just the dreamiest, but for now it is my third ranking holiday. I celebrate it with a movie or two and enjoy them immensely. This year I really wasn't in the mood because my nose was stuffed up and I felt terrible, so I limited myself to thirty minutes of Blade:Trinity with just the commentary on. Now, I firmly believe that you cannot be a Jessica Biel fan and a Cameron Diaz fan at the same time, it's like loving Jesus and Judas at the same time, because it doesn't make sense. I don't necessarily like Justin Timberlake and his incessant crotch grabbing in youtube videos, but he allowed me to see the light about this terrible person. The story is 2007 Emmy's, jt talking to jb, diaz doesn't approve and has to be pulled away by the genius Drew Barrymore, therefore I hate her. I'm not going to sit here and blow jb and say that she's the best actress in the world, she's had to work to get where she is right now, and as of 2007 she had finally hit a level of respectable recognition due to her work in The Illusionist, and she's only going to get better with more movies. That event was pretty cool for her to be invited to, for years she had been known as the kid from the wb, and that whore had to ruin it for her. Sure, any publicity is good for getting yourself noticed, but it had to be embarrassing to see your face plastered on magazine covers suggesting that you broke up their relationship and essentially calling you a whore. Thus, I hate her with the passion of a thousand suns. I also hate that the skank flaunted herself around on Oprah or Ellen, talking about their relationship a year later, and acted like an asshole. I also don't like that she hasn't done anything since then besides date a bunch of random dudes and show up on SNL and Jimmy Kimmel. I think I'm getting on a needless tangent about her, because it's just leading back to the fact that I hate her. I think my feelings would best be expressed in a youtube video entitled "I Want You To Die" by the amazing Storm Large, however I don't want her to die and would change the word Die to Break Your Nose Again and Never Get Another Acting Job. Hope you had a wonderful JB birthday!